English stories (funny and joke), pls don't delete this thread!

[fooly_kid]

Bodies of WWI soldiers found in Italian glacier
The bodies of 3 soldiers from WWI (World war 1) were found perfectly preserved in an Italian glacier.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200408/s1182506.htm
After the discovery, the administration announced that the soldiers have been called back on the Ready Reserve and will be sent to Iraq.

 

[fooly_kid]

Is that because I'm blonde?
Mommy, mommy, in class today we did ABC but I said, "ABCDEF." Is that because I am blonde?
Yes, dear that's because you're blonde.
Mommy, mommy, we counted one, two, three, but I counted one, two, three, four five, six. Is that because I'm blonde?
Yes, dear, it's because you are blonde.
Mommy, mommy, everyone else in the class doesn't even need a bra, but I wear a "C" cup. Is that because I'm blonde?
No, dear. It's because you're 22.

 

[newworld]

[size=+2]HÃY BIẾT NÓI LỜI YÊU[/size]


[size=+1]A love story that will touch your heart[/size]

There was once a guy who suffered from cancer... a cancer that can't be treated. He was 18 years old and he could die anytime. All his life, he was stuck in his house being taken cared by his mother. He never went outside but he was sick of staying home and wanted to go out for once.

So he asked his mother and she gave him permission. He walked down his block and found a lot of stores. He passed a CD store and looked through the front door for a second as he walked. He stopped and went back to look into the store. He saw a young girl about his age and he knew it was love at first sight. He opened the door and walked in, not looking at anything else but her. He walked closer and closer until he was finally at the front desk where she sat.

She looked up and asked "Can I help you?" She smiled and he thought it was the most beautiful smile he has ever seen before and wanted to kiss her right there.

He said "Uh... Yeah... Umm... I would like to buy a CD." He picked one out and gave her money for it.

"Would you like me to wrap it for you?" she asked, smiling her cute smile again.

He nodded and she went to the back.

She came back with the wrapped CD and gave it to him. He took it and walked out of the store. He went home and from then on, he went to that store everyday and bought a CD, and she wrapped it for him. He took the CD home and put it in his closet. He was still too shy to ask her out and he really wanted to but he couldn't. His mother found out about this and told him to just ask her.

So the next day, he took all his courage and went to the store. He bought a CD like he did everyday and once again she went to the back of the store and came back with it wrapped. He took it and when she wasn't looking, he left his phone number on the desk and ran out...
!!!RRRRRING!!!

The mother picked up the phone and said, "Hello?"

It was the girl!!! She asked for the boy and the mother started to cry and said, "You don't know? He passed away yesterday...”

" The line was quiet except for the cries of the boy's mother. Later in the day. The mother went into the boy's room because she wanted to remember him. She thought she would start by looking at his clothes. So she opened the closet. She was face to face with piles and piles and piles of unopened CDs. She was surprised to find all those CDs and she picked one up and sat down on the bed and she started to open one.

Inside, there was a CD and as she took it out of the wrapper, out fell a piece of paper. The mother picked it up and started to read it.

It said: Hi... I think U R really cute. Do u wanna go out with me? Love, Jacelyn

The mother opened another CD...

Again there was a piece of paper. It said: Hi... I think U R really cute. Do u wanna go out with me? Love, Jacelyn

Love is... when you've had a huge fight but then decide to put aside your egos, hold hands and say, "I Love You"

 

[fooly_kid]

Why you posted it here newworld?
can you change it to thread named "What is love" ?
Anyway, thank you for the story, it seems... hic hic.

 

[newworld]

Oh, Sorry, I didn't notice that this thread is for jokes and funny stories, just simply thought it is for English stories.

Anyway, can I post all kinds of English stories here?

 

[fooly_kid]

Oh, Sorry, I didn't notice that this thread is for jokes and funny stories, just simply thought it is for English stories.

Anyway, can I post all kinds of English stories here?

Hic, I didn't mean you could not post them here, but you see this thread just about funny and joke your story is not suit here :1luvu:

 

[newworld]

Ok, I see. However, I think you are a bit conservative and inflexible.

This story surely can help you balance your feeling, after 'splitting your sides with laughter'.

 

[ketoan@]

I think we are getting off topic, so let's get back to telling funny stories, shall we ?

Like a true accountant

Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc.

While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two's hand.

Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, "What is this?" to which accountant number one replies, "it's that $50 I owe you." :man:

 

[XIANGQIANG]

I like this! :1luvu:

The Boy & the AppleTree​

A long time ago, there was a huge apple tree. A little boy loved to come and play around it everyday. He climbed to the treetop, ate the apples, took a nap under the shadow...he loved the tree and the tree loved to play with him. Time went by...the little boy had grown up and he no longer played around the tree every day.

One day, the boy came back to the tree and he looked sad. "Come and play with me" the tree asked the boy. "I am no longer a kid, I do not play around trees any more" the boy replied.

"I want toys. I need money to buy them." "Sorry, but I do not have money... but you can pick all my apples and sell them. So, you will have money." The boy was so excited. He grabbed all the apples on the tree and left happily. The boy never came back after he picked the apples. The tree was sad.

One day, the boy who now turned into a man returned and the tree was excited "Come and play with me" the tree said. "I do not have time to play. I have to work for my family. We need a house for shelter. Can you help me?" "Sorry, but I do not have any house. But you can chop off my branches to build your house." So the man cut all the branches of the tree and left happily. The tree was glad to see him happy but the man never came back since then. The tree was again lonely and sad.

One hot summer day, the man returned and the tree was delighted. "Come and play with me!" the tree said. "I am getting old. I want to go sailing to relax myself. Can you give me a boat?" said the man. "Use my trunk to build your boat. You can sail far away and be happy." So the man cut the tree trunk to make a boat. He went sailing and never showed up for a long time.

Finally, the man returned after many years. "Sorry, my boy. But I do not have anything for you anymore. No more apples for you ..." the tree said. "No problem, I do not have any teeth to bite" the man replied. "No more trunk for you to climb on" "I am too old for that now" the man said. "I really cannot give you anything... the only thing left is my dying roots" the tree said with tears. "I do not need much now, just a place to rest. I am tired after all these years" the man replied. "Good! Old tree roots are the best place to lean on and rest, Come, come sit down with me and rest." The man sat down and the tree was glad and smiled with tears...

This is a story of everyone.
The tree is like our parents
When we were young, we loved to play with our Mum and Dad...
When we grow up, we leave them...only come to them when we need omething or when we are in trouble.
No matter what, parents will always be there and give everything they could
just to make you happy.

You may think the boy is cruel to the tree, but that is how we treat our parents.
We take them 4 granted we don't appreciate all they do 4 us, UNTIL it's 2 late.
Please enlighten all your friends and your families by telling them this story,

Love your Parents

 

[StonyHeartedMan]

Pick one as the answer

Pick one as the answer. Its not a quiz. JUST 1 QUESTION.
You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop,
and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading the post following...

 

[StonyHeartedMan]

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first;
Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.
However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

NOW READ THIS:

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer.
He simply answered:

"I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital.
I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."


Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.
Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

 

[XIANGQIANG]

That's food for thought!

Thanks!

 

[ttn]

Paper Shredder (Máy hủy giấy)

The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused.

"Need some help?" a secretary asked.

"Yes," he replied. "How does this thing work?"

"Simple," she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder.

"Thanks, but where do the copies come out?"

 

[fooly_kid]

A Blonde's story

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.

Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

 

[ttn]

Airsick...

A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window.

A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep.

The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the bathroom. He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do.

Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy's chest.

About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him.

"So," says the little guy, "are you feeling better now?"