Accounting Jokes Accounting Jokes Accounting Jokes Question & Answer Jokes! Q. When does a person decide to become an accountant? A. When he realizes that he does not have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker. Q. What does an accountant use for birth control? A. His personality. Q. Why did the accountant stare at a glass of orange juice for three hours? A. Because on the box it said "Concentrate". Q. What is an actuary? A. An accountant without the sense of humour. Q: How do you save a drowning accountant? A: Take your foot off their head. Q: What's the difference between an accountant and a vampire? A: A vampire only sucks blood at night. Q: What did the terrorist that hijacked a plane full of accountants do? A: He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met. Q: What's brown and black and looks good on an accountant? A: A Doberman Pincher Q: Why did the Auditor cross the road? A: Because he did it last year! Q: What do you call 500 accountants at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start. Q: Why are they putting the accountants at the bottom of the ocean? A: They found out that deep down they're really not so bad. Q: Why did God create economists? A: So accountants would have someone to laugh at! Q: What is the difference between a tragedy and a catastrophe? A: A tragedy is a ship full of accountants going down in a storm.... A catastrophe is when they can all swim! Q: Who was the world's first accountant? A: Adam. He turned a leaf and made an entry! Q: What's the definition of an accountant? A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand. Q: What's the definition of a good tax accountant? A: Someone who has a loophole named after him. Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant? A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker. Q: How does an accountant hunt elephants? A: By placing GAAPs all across Africa and hoping elephants will fall in. Q: What does an accountant use for birth control? A: His personality. Q: What's an extroverted accountant? A: One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own. Q: What's an auditor? A: Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded. Q: Why did the auditor cross the road? A: Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year. Q: What are the three kinds of accountants in the world? A: Those who can count and those who can't. Q: How do you drive an accountant completely insane? A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way. Q: What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? A: Depreciation. Q: If an accountant's wife cannot sleep what does she say? A: "Darling, tell me about your work." Q: When the accountant laughs loud? A: When some one asks for a raise. Q: What did the accountant say when he got a blank check? A: My deductions have at last caught up with the salary. Q: What did the accountant say when he looked at the tax form? A: The man who set the standard deduction must have been a bachelor. Q: Why the accountant started smoking? A: So he can deduct cigarettes from his income tax. Called it loss by fire. Q: How does an accountant stay out of debt? A: He learns to act his wage. Q: Did you hear about the constipated Accountant? A: He couldn't budget so he had to work it out with paper and pencil. Q: Did you hear about the shy and retiring accountant? A: The accountant is $1 million shy and hence is retiring Enjoy! Enjoy! Enjoy! Enjoy! Enjoy! Enjoy!